Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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