Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
