If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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