I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
