she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
