I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
