while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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