It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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