how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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