The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
