Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
