Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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