the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
