What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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