It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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