i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
