i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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