Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we made out on top of his cat.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
