Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
