why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
