WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
