Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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