I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
