If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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