New game: find the sober person in Tbell
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
