I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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