dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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