How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
