He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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