He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
