Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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