I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
