I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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