when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
