Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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