i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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