Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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