you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
