A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.