That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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