can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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