dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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