why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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