oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
