i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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