I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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