the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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