sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
