is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
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All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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