I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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