Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
