At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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