3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
