How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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