it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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