32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
