Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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