She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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