I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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