I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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