I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
