I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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