Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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