Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
