I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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