6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
